So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Randomize
