You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
He is an equal opportunity slut.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
