the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
