you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
I'm like, not good at living.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Randomize
