worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
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