dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Randomize
