Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
