I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Randomize
