Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
