just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Randomize
