he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
Randomize
