I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Randomize
