bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
We had sex on a dog bed..
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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