My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
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