remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Randomize
