i wish starbucks made bloody marys
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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