NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Randomize
