mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
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