My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
Randomize
