I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Randomize
