Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Randomize