turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
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