I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Randomize
