Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize
