Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
Randomize
