And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
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