My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
