You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Randomize
