Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Randomize
