Rock
Scissors
Fuck
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
