So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
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