I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
Randomize
