I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
