You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
Say something about gay babies.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
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