Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
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