were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Randomize
