Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
