If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
I smell stomach acid.
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
