dude i'm inner monologue high
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
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