I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Randomize
