apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
