I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
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