mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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