The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
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