You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Randomize
