So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
