watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
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