My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
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