I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
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