Moan for me like Helen Keller
so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
