her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
