i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Randomize
