God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Randomize
