That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Randomize
