I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize
