Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
