my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
