I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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