If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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