This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Randomize
