So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Randomize
