And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
