why didn't you poke me back
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Randomize
