In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
