its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
