But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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