put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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