i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
