i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Randomize
