There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Randomize
