Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
