Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
After tacos, we're chasing women.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
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