UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Randomize
