You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
