I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
